In Which I Reveal That I Am a Girl with Girly Thoughts

In times like this, the best part of me tells myself that nothing good will come of acting like someone I’m not. And trust me, I don’t plan to. But there comes a time when I wonder why I’ve never been asked out, and why so many of my best friends have had boyfriends when I never have.

My feeling right now is that I scare guys, which has been my suspicion for a long time. But the question remains—why is that, exactly? I’ve asked it of a few people; my girlfriends always say “No, you don’t scare guys off,” while my parents say “You have a million admirers who are just too scared to show their feelings.” Now, I’m not running dangerously low on self-confidence here, but I don’t put much stock in either of these answers. So today I decided to be somewhat of a loser and turn to my last resort: Google. Google is probably the least reliable way to solve your problems, but as hardly anyone on the Internet knows me, they are unlikely to try and hide the truth in order to spare my feelings. So I consulted Google, and got a fairly good idea of what things about girls supposedly scare off guys. The list looks like this:

• The idea of rejection
• Too much makeup and/or breast implants
• Clinginess/neediness
• Being controlling
• The idea that we are liars with deceptive personalities
• Mean Girls

…I have two words to say to this list: Yeah Right.
If The List was true, then I would (as my dad would say) be “waving the guys away like mosquitoes”—which is saying a lot, as I’m a mosquito magnet. Sure, I'll allow for the fact that guys are scared of rejection. This seems to be especially true at my high school, going on the number of guys last year who chose not to go to the spring formal because they were too scared to ask anyone. But apart from that, The List does not apply to me. I never wear makeup except for formal occasions (unless lip gloss counts as makeup); I am definitely not the clingy type; I don’t think I’ve ever tried to control a guy, or a girl for that matter; I highly doubt my personality seems fake (I mean, if a girl were to try and hide her true self, no way would she hide as a weird person like me); and as for meanness, I’ve never ever tried to be mean to anyone.

In addition, if The List were true, than why do the guys in my grade ask out all those catty Decepticons? (Obviously, they ask out some great girls too, which I'll get to later.) No, I must conclude that, at least at this age, The List is a nice bit of false hope put together by people like my dad. So what is the real answer? Well, I have a nasty feeling that it’s the list my pessimistic side has been compiling ever since the 3rd grade: The Sad Truth. The Sad Truth looks like this:

Guys Are Scared By Girls Who…

• Are not extremely flirty
• Don’t put on a feminine act
• Laugh openly at dirty jokes
• Speak their mind
• Are tall

…And given the girls I know who have had boyfriends versus the ones who haven’t, The Sad Truth is making more sense than The List. But I’m still mad. Because on all those websites where people have posted their opinions on what qualities scare guys, so many people, many of them boys, have advised girls to be themselves. Well, here are some facts about me that I never try to hide, from guys or anyone: I’m not a flirt because I think it looks ridiculous (or at least I’d look ridiculous trying to be one). I definitely have a girly side, but in public I feel more confident not showing that side. I adore dirty jokes, although that isn’t all my fault—the teenagers I admired when I was younger told me tons of sick jokes, and I felt cool laughing at them. And the guys I am closest to now are the ones who have persuaded me to say what I think and who respect me for it. Finally, I am tall—not a Bigfoot or anything, just taller than many of my girl and guy friends.

As you can see, all the traits on The Sad Truth list apply to me, whereas no girl I know who has recently made guys fall for her has had all those traits. I often wish that I was like them. Sometimes I think about trying to shift my personality so that I was more flirty, or acted more feminine, etc. Because God, it would be nice to know that the girls who get boyfriends don’t have anything I don’t. But that best part of me that I mentioned at the beginning is, at the moment, winning out. It’s totally not worth it to change myself, and it’s impossible to change what the guys I know seem to want. So perhaps I'll just have to wait for someone who goes by The List and not The Sad Truth. And when that person shows up, it’ll definitely be worth the wait.

But God, I hate waiting.