Giving 'Em the Raspberry

*Assumes Monty Python voice* I just figured that I should pass on these significant moments in my recent life so that you can all read them.

1. I was reading the dictionary--no, no, I was sitting next to my sister, who was looking up spelling words in the dictionary--and one of her words, I think, was "raspberry." Well, the first definition is of the raspberry fruit, you know, "a small seedy red object that is good and squishy," or something like that. But the second definition pertains to the "contemptuous noise" kind of raspberry. It went as follows:
"[short for raspberry tart, rhyming slang for fart] : a sound of contempt made by protruding the tongue between the lips and expelling air forcibly to produce a vibration; broadly : an expression of disapproval or contempt"
Now we must ask ourselves, which arrogant old prudes wrote the dictionary in that kind of stuffy fashion? I would write the second definition of "raspberry":
"[used only by grandfathers and occasionally among siblings] : a sound like a fart, but coming from the mouth. To my limited knowledge, is only taken seriously in Harry Potter. In all other cases, is performed by siblings or grandfathers, usually on the forearm of the juvenile victim"

2. We were driving to my aunt's house a week or so ago, and we stopped at a red light, and a car pulls up next to us, full of chatty college-age girls. Now, in OUR car, there is a toy that my sister got in a cereal box which is made to resemble Manny the Mammoth from Ice Age. We'd been joking about it for the whole car trip. I was zoning out when suddenly I saw my dad pick up the mammoth figure and display it conspicuously to the young girls in the car next to us. They all start whispering and giggling. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but in a few moments all that I was thinking was, "My dad just showed some young girls a figure of a mammoth!!!" My sister and I start laughing and shouting at my dad, who is trying to deny the fact that he just did a rather perverted thing. Then, again out of the blue, I hear my NINE-YEAR-OLD sister say to me, "Dad's a sex offender!!!"

I never realized how much I put into the poor girl's head. I might damage her brain enough that she'll turn out like me, God forbid. Resolution: next time she asks me, "What is a prostitute?" I will keep my fat mouth shut.

TFATF!!!!
-Ahaneen